Get the rice started with a little salt and olive oil
Onion. Seitan. Garlic.
Chop.
Heat up the pan. 9 if that's as high as your stove goes. 11 if you're spinal tap.
Burn it.
Enter a heroic can of refried beans.
... dumped into the pan.
Add: Seasoning.
Add: Salsa "Chilpotle"
Add: Salsa normal.